Alive

What does it mean to be alive

But to sometimes feel numb

As a blur of colors rush past you, just out of reach

What does it mean to be alive

But to sometimes sit in the corner,

Knees curled into your thighs as the 8 o’clock sun

Bathes the lucky ones with golden affirmation

You watch and let it taunt you with its rejection,

A tear sliding warmly down your cheek

It can feel sickly right to be punished, sometimes

What does it mean to be alive

But to sometimes let the grey sky be enough

To see that the trees and buildings are made all the more vibrant by blue’s humble retreat

To watch the butterfly leaves flutter and the sky move fast and to be okay with being still and placid

What does it mean to be alive

But to live for the intensity of mountains and valleys

To romanticize and long for the pain that made you grow and untrusting

The defiance that made you strong and intimidating

The city that gave you breath and independence and loneliness

The boy that felt like fire and death

What does it mean to be alive

But to just run and run by glorious sunrises and waters and eclipses of the world’s very soul

And suburban neighborhoods

And away, frantic

What does it mean to be alive

But to know someday you will miss this place too

And the spaces and places and norms and moments and faces

The quiet street, the northern TV, the homebody society, the midwestern simplicity, the family spontaneity, the short drive, park picnics, and the east facing balcony  

Where rose petals are sprinkled on a path that was already there

What does it mean to be alive

But to grab it all at once and taste ecstasy

You are the first one to dance and for once

Your soul doesn’t explode, it sings and wails

and in the movement of your body your soul can feel and be free and safe all at once,

You are the dancer who doesn’t want to, she has to

You are the traveler who dreams of lives too diverse for one existence

You are of the night and the morning sun

And sometimes you are numb

What does it mean to be alive

But to sometimes feel the need to sit still

To eat more than the serving size and for today not exercise

To let midwestern simplicity soothe and let the mundane diffuse

A frantic soul

What does it mean to be alive

But to realize that dreams are not an identity but a loving knowing by Someone Else

Who holds them in the left hand for a time in mind and with the right touches your cheek,

Says “you are good here alive and you before and after your dreams”

What does it mean to be alive

But to forget that and despair

Be reminded and for a breath, believe

What does it mean to be alive

But nothing more and nothing less

Than the gift of breath

To be seen known, loved

: felt or unfelt, moving or

still